


Obsessions

by Qem



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: April Showers 2012, April Showers Challenge, Depression, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-05
Updated: 2005-08-05
Packaged: 2017-11-04 02:45:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/388824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qem/pseuds/Qem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miroku had never ever thought that she would die first. Sango. Miroku had always believed that he was dying – as soon as the void as the void appeared on his hand - he had thought for sure that it would result in his death. It nearly had killed him in the beginning – if Musou hadn’t known what to do…</p><p>But now with his death sentence lifted – who was there to share his life with?</p><p>(Written pre-series ending)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Obsessions

From an early age Miroku had always believed that he was dying. As soon as the void had appeared on his hand, he thought that every breath of life was a beautiful gift, an extension. It had done much to shape his mind.  
  
If you were already dead, then you might as well smile and hope that this is paradise.  
  
This conviction that he was dead, this threat that tomorrow would bring the permanent end... It had done much to shape his fascinations and outlook on life. Well that and living with the ~~drunkard~~ revered monk, Musou.  
  
With the constant belief of his incoming death, Miroku tried to live life to the maximum he could, he constantly threw caution to the wind and claimed what luxury he could. It was the most notable trait he carried, this lack of caution and constant attempts at instant gratification.  
  
It had earned him the title of lecher by his friends.  
  
It also had a darker side, in that he was constantly fascinated with death. Though he would often deny death, never speak of the matter, it constantly preyed upon his mind. It constantly sabotaged any real attempts at intimacy.  
  
It had also leaded to fascinations with certain people.  
  
Naraku the most obvious, the man brought death's touch wherever he travelled. It was he who had laid out Miroku's father and grandfather's death sentences. It was he who had cursed Miroku to death. Kazanna; the black void, that which was Miroku's curse and on occasion a blessing. Miroku spent almost every day dreaming of Naraku's death.  
  
Inuyasha, he claimed that he had spent fifty years sealed – a sort of living death - and indeed the monk had heard some rather slight rumours confirming that this was indeed the case. He was also part demon – probably immortal or at the very least, likely to live much longer than the average human.  
  
Inuyasha's first love Kikyou, she too was dead. Or undead. Whichever word seemed more appropriate. With her mournful beauty, one could easily believe that she had been touched by death; it seemed impossible that she herself had died as part of an ill-fated love story of trickery and betrayal. Though she had seemed mournful for things that had been lost it seemed unbelievable that she had not walked upon the earth for the last fifty years.  
  
Miroku knew the logistics, he had been told her story. She was a powerful priestess fifty years ago. She had guarded the shikon no tama, invoked jealousy in others and had been a good and kind person. She had fallen in love with a hanyou. Naraku had tricked her. She had died for noble purposes or perhaps because she was tired of life and its cruel blows. For with her death she had saved her village and prevented another from carrying her burden. She had died in bitter pain, having caused the living death status of her love, feeling betrayed and alone.  
  
Resurrected by Urasae – with the intention of using the once pure miko, who died taking the shikon no tama with her, using her death to transport the cursed jewel away, so that peace could she was walking clay, she used the death of others to continue her pathway through life.  
  
... Sango ...  
  
She too was touched by death. Her lively hood was exterminating troublesome youkai to help keep humans safe. She had personally come close to death many times. Her entire family had been slaughtered, her brother was living a puppet's life... A shikon shard the only thing keeping him alive.  
  
... And now that she was dead, Miroku spent more time thinking about her than ever.  
  
***  
  
That had occurred some weeks ago. Now Miroku was waiting in Kaede's village. He had managed to pull himself mostly together.  
  
Kohaku was oddly enough, still alive. Sesshoumaru had resurrected him, though for some reason he had been unable to do so with Sango. Kohaku had ended up taking Kiara and going off on his own to mourn. Miroku had heard a little rumour that their was a talented young demon hunter who was sometime seen helping out villages and on occasion was seen with a beautiful, powerful, silver-haired youkai, though that was just a rumour.  
  
Kouga, had left to go back to his homelands and help rebuild his tribe. He had formally "revoked" his claim on Kagome, leaving her in peace. Miroku wasn't quite sure if this had to do with the fact that with Naraku's defeat the shikon no tama had vanished completely, if Kouga had finally realised that Kagome loved Inuyasha or if Ayame had something to do with it. Kouga said that he would still keep his tribe from attacking humans, for which Miroku despite his apathy, was one was mildly relieved.  
  
Shippou had decided to join a small fox family. Miroku personally believed it had something to do with the beautiful fox sisters.  
  
Kanna and Byakura had not been heard of since the battle. Whether they were choosing to live the quiet life or had died when Naraku died, Miroku couldn't bring himself to care.  
  
Inuyasha and Kagome had helped with the devastation Naraku had caused across Japan. About two weeks ago Kagome had then gone back to her time, with Inuyasha following, neither of the two had been seen since. Miroku had idly wondered if that was through their choosing, the well closing or if something had happened in Kagome's time. However he was still numb from the devastation left by Naraku's last battle. He had spent so long convinced that he was going to die and chasing Naraku that he didn't know what to do with his life now. Had this occurred a year ago he probably would of spent the night drunk and tried to feel up village women, but now this seemed so very empty... None of them were as toned or defined; just so pleasurable to feel, as Sango had been.  
  
Sango... Miroku just wished for a little bit more time. While he had made his appreciations for her clear, he rarely stated his feelings as such and... it just could have been so much more. He didn't understand why Sesshoumaru couldn't, or wouldn't revive her, he didn't understand how she could be gone just like that.  
  
Miroku remembered the last time he saw her. Mutilated at Naraku's feet, Sesshoumaru looking coldly furious at Naraku as Inuyasha prepared his attack and Kikyou had fired... Wait. Kikyou.  
  
She too according to the rumours was still around, though for reasons Miroku did not know. He had heard Kagome speaking in a low voice to Inuyasha before they had set back to their own time about her. It seemed that she was wondering from village to village helping to attend to those wounded by war, youkai or Naraku.  
  
Kikyou, the one who used the souls of others, to carry her presence on in this world.  
  
For the first time in weeks Miroku stood in resolution. He was determined to find Kikyou and find out if she had done anything to Sango during that last war. What he would do exactly upon her answer... Even he was not sure of the answer to that. But he'd make sure that Sango was able to rest in peace and that her soul it would be all right. But he needed to go. He had to find out.  
  
Kaede had been glad to see him smile and appear as himself. If there was a certain tenseness to his manner, a hardness in his eyes, she did not comment upon it. Miroku had moved his way through and across, following the rumours of the miko. It reminded him of the time before he met Inuyasha and Kagome, the time when he hunted Naraku on his own.  
  
In between the scamming of wealthy lords (some habits were just so hard to break) and lonely fires, Miroku had much time to ponder the mystery that was Kikyou. Why was she still walking the earth? Wasn't she tired of life? Hadn't she completed her purpose? Couldn't she now rest in peace? Had she taken Sango's soul? Was that the reason why Sango could not be resurrected?  
  
Miroku had gone to much trouble to hunt down the elusive miko. She seemed to be constantly on the move, able to move with incredible pace, when going in between villages. But it seemed he was getting closer.  
  
And then, eventually he found her.  
  
She was standing by the top of a cliff. Staring mournfully at the horizon. She was beautiful as ever, but there was something about her that seemed familiar – and it didn't seem at all Kagome related. Then the miko turned around and in shock, a familiar statement was loosened from her lips. It was then that Miroku knew.  
  
"Houshi-sama."  
  
With the answer to his question, Miroku stepped forward. But he saw something in her eyes that made him pause.  
  
Fear.  
  
It was confusing to the monk. Fear, an emotion he had never associated with Sango or Kikyou.  
  
Sango had been depressed, worried and concerned, but she had never been afraid. She took on each challenge with innate strength.  
  
Kikyou, Kikyou had shown sadness and anger. Miroku didn't think that she cared if she lived or died. Why would she show fear?  
  
Ironically it was the strangeness of this situation that made Miroku feel more like his normal self than he had in the past two months. "Kikyou-sama," he called out, his voice even and reasonable, "it is good to see you again after so long, though I must admit I had not thought you would have chosen to remain."  
  
The face before him, twitched with some unknown emotion. "You too wish for me to go off and die."  
  
"I wouldn't say that." Miroku's tone was mild. "I would be interested in finding out your motivations for living, though."  
  
"I don't want to die." And then she sagged, and looked so forlorn, so lost, and so incredibly beautiful.  
  
Miroku felt that familiar sense of appreciation for the beauty of the female form. He felt pity for the turbulence that Kikyou appeared to be going through. He approached her cautiously.  
  
"Why did you take Sango's soul?"  
  
"That girl... She, I, she was like me. I didn't want to die." At this confirmation, Miroku felt his worries amplify. That must have been the reason why Sango could not be resurrected.  
  
"What happens to the girls whose souls you take?"  
  
"They become a part of me. Those poor girls who died in innocence and pain, their pain becomes my own. We, who had never been able to live, continue on. We didn't want to die."  
  
"Die?"  
  
Kikyou's thoughts came out as babble, rushing through. "I spent my life helping others, I only wanted a little happiness. It all turned out so wrong. Inuyasha... I died hating him, but... I had managed to forgive him enough to be able to move on. But I was dragged back... Now I can't move on."  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"I'm going to hell." The words were uttered with a complete forlornness. Miroku had remembered that Kikyou had asked Inuyasha to come to hell with her, but surely now with Naraku dead she should be able to move on, didn't she go on to be reincarnated as Kagome? "I can't let go, I can't move on. I'll spend eternity in pain and suffering just as I spent my life."  
  
Miroku brought one hand up to comfort Kikyou. The wide eyed look, of innocence, that Sango would give just before she burst into tears, the utterance of the eternally familiar words, "houshi-sama." Miroku couldn't help it. He did something that he had never done with Sango.  
  
He leaned in and gave a gentle kiss.  
  
Though Miroku had loved Sango, had easily been able to demonstrate the fact that he was attracted to her, with the constant aura of death that haunted Miroku, he had always avoided actual intimacy. He was surprised when he found that Sango held feelings for him.  
  
The mouth beneath him opened up, it was stiff and cool but there was an underlying sweetness.  
  
Pulling back slightly, Miroku moved his mouth towards her ear, mouthing in a low voice, "You can relax."  
  
Sinking into the comfort, she answered, "I can't there is so much to be done. People need me."  
  
Miroku pulled back, his eyes solemn and serious, the calming words of advice flowed easily from his lips. "You've done your part." He moved one hand warmly down her back, to where it could appreciate her curves. "You can rest now."  
  
"Rest..." The word was drawn out and hopeful.  
  
"Everyone is fine. There is no need to worry."  
  
It was with a look of gratitude that the light in _her_ eyes vanished with only a clay doll left behind in Miroku's arms.  
  
Miroku sat there, as the sun sank and the stars began to come out.  
  
He picked himself up and prepared to head back to the nearest village. Kikyou's work was over and now she could rest or go on to her next life. He hoped wherever she ended up, she had someone to help look out for her and prevent her from worrying.  
  
"I guess she couldn't of beared my children in any case."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Loss and sacrifice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/388826) by [Qem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qem/pseuds/Qem)




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